My thoughts. My thoughts, my thoughts…

Will most likely be the death of me ..but this thought I can’t shake..i feel so unappreciated.. I mean if u really love and appreciate the love u receive from someone is it really that easy to hurt them..i mean…. could u just tell them I’m no longer in love with u…would it be as easy as asking for a coke at burger king? For him it was…and that confuses me…he now wants to “take things slow”….but what does that mean… really…I’m your constant friend now that we r still 3,000 miles away, but what happens when we get back…in the same town together..less than half a mile apart…will I feel the same as I feel now..wanting to be with you….for your sake I hope so….see the funny thing is you forgot we are alike…like u… it may be hard for me to let something go..but once I cut it out..it’s gone forever….i don’t know why I feel this way....self esteem issues..hmmmm maybe….but I know that I don’t like the way u make me feel at times…I feel like every situation..every conflict….is settled the way you wanna settle it….honestly who decided for us to take a break….and when was I ever scared to call u..just to hear your voice…I always hang up after the first ring…so later I don’t have to hear u saying..just let things flow…if it’s meant to be it’ll be…..but if u want it to be shouldn’t it just be? Why try to control situations and make it the way you think it’s suppose to be…letting things flow is letting your emotions flow too…..you can’t hold back what your heart is telling you to feel… so why am i? why can’t I just tell you what is on my mind…why must I write everything down and never speak a word of it to you….i want to love you and I want to care for you…but I need you to change things for me…I need you to wanna be with me and love me and not give up at the first sign of chaos….love is a test..a test some never pass…a test we might not even pass…but you obviously think I’m worth some trouble if you are willing to take things slow..and work on what we once had…still I would love for you to be in my shoes some day and see the things that u do that tear me to pieces..i try to deal with them because I think that’s what working things out means….but honestly if the shoe was on the other foot..you would tell me about myself and end things right there…I just wonder how you can take things slow and never once really talk about how you feel about the situation….maybe I’m just putting you on a pedestal….maybe I should really take things the way you intend them to be..and slow down and listen to what my heart is telling me to do..i pray about our situation everyday and God brings us closer everyday…so I’m guessing we aren’t going through this for no reason at all…I just want you to know how I feel…but I can’t tell u….i fear I’ll mess things up….i fear I talk too much and that’s what will really bring things to an end....
Love is so silly at times….is this love…should I be feeling this way…..

My thoughts, my thoughts, my thoughts…..